Parenting: The Journey of Figuring It Out (or Not)

Parenting: The Journey of Figuring It Out (or Not)

Before I had kids, I thought I had it mostly figured out. I knew what kind of parent I wanted to be and, more importantly, what kind of parent I didn’t want to be. Then I became a mom to four completely different kids, and I quickly realized how little I was actually prepared for this life.

Don’t get me wrong, I love being their mom. I have reshaped my plans to dedicate myself to them, to be involved in everything possible. Not out of obligation, but because I genuinely want to. I want them to feel how much I love them, to know that I am their safe place. But that doesn’t always translate as love to them. They don’t grasp this kind of love yet. They think every rule, every boundary, is just another way to ruin their lives.

They don’t believe we understand them or know what they’re going through. But the truth? We understand them more than they will ever realize, at least until they become parents themselves. And instead of appreciation for all we do, we get eye rolls, attitudes, endless questioning, talking back, and, of course, premature gray hairs. Sound familiar?

Let me tell you, nothing could have prepared me for raising little people who grow into big people. Especially teenagers. (Take me back to babies and toddler tantrums, please!) I’ve accepted that I will never have it all figured out, and I’m mostly okay with that. But I do want to share a few things that help me get through each season of parenting.

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1. I Have Expectations, but I’m Not Expectant

I’m not saying we shouldn’t have expectations for our kids. Of course, we want them to be respectful and obedient. But they’re kids. They’re imperfect humans, just like us. They are not robots, so we shouldn’t be shocked when they don’t always follow directions, talk back, or disobey. They don’t have the wisdom we do yet, which leads me to my next point…

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2. I Don’t Take It Personally

Parenting feels personal because it’s deep. We pour our time, energy, and finances into raising our kids. We literally helped create them. So when they push back, of course, it stings. But most of the time, their behavior isn’t actually about us, even if they try to blame us.

It’s not our job to make them like us, we are not their friends. Think of it like running a business: as a boss, you won’t please everyone, but your responsibility is to do what’s best for the company. The same goes for parenting. You will make decisions your kids don’t like, and you will face resistance. That’s part of the job.

If I let their happiness, or lack of it, dictate my parenting decisions, I’d be a miserable mess. But I refuse to parent from a place of guilt.

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3. I Don’t Give In or Give Up on the Important Things

A teacher friend once told me about one of my own kids in her class: “They may be stubborn, but I am more stubborn.” That stuck with me.

She didn’t say it with anger or frustration, it was calm, steady, and confident. I am the boss. (Cue dramatic mic drop and slow walk away.)

We are the adults. We set the rules. And those rules exist for their benefit, even if they don’t understand it yet.

So we have to stand our ground, no matter how exhausting it is, no matter how much we want to give in just this once. Being the “bad guy” wasn’t what I envisioned for myself as a parent, but here we are. Which brings me to my next point…

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4. I Love Them Through It

Love them when they make you want to scream.
Love them when they are screaming.
Love them when they are acting like little turds. (Yes, I said it.)

Tell them you love them when it’s hardest, because that is what true love looks like.

Love is unconditional. It forgives. It does not keep score. It endures.

I want my kids to know the kind of love that my Heavenly Father has shown me. I remember what it felt like to be their age. And let’s be honest, I still struggle to make the right choices as an adult sometimes. How can I expect more from them than what God expects from me?

They are not perfect. Neither am I. Which leads me to…

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5. I Give Myself a Break

Most days, I feel like I’m getting it wrong more than I’m getting it right. And when I let myself dwell on my mistakes, it can be defeating.

But here’s the thing, we can only do our best. And when we mess up? We own it. We apologize if needed. We try again.

The best way to teach our kids resilience is to model it ourselves. I struggle with this, too, I am my own worst critic. But that’s when I have to remind myself to let it go and give it over to God.

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6. I Let God Have It

"God, I can’t do this on my own. I fail every day, but You remain steadfast with love and grace. You are good, and I trust You to use every trial for good. Give me wisdom on what to say and when to stay silent. Never let me project my past or my future hopes onto my children. Let me raise them in a way that leads them closer to You. Let me show them the same love You have shown me, so they know that Your grace is not earned, but a gift to be thankful for. In Jesus’ name, I pray for guidance as a parent and over my children. Amen."

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Maybe your parenting journey has been nothing but peace and joy. If that’s the case, please, teach me your ways!

But for the rest of us, these are just a few things that help keep me grounded when parenting feels overwhelming.

And when the but happens, I’m here for you.