Resilient Parenting

Parents,

Raising tweens and teens marks the beginning of the coaching phase of parenting, a time when the challenges shift from diapers and meal battles to guiding young adults who are starting to make their own decisions. Although it’s refreshing not to be responsible for every small detail, this phase brings new challenges. Your child is now making choices independently, and your influence over their daily interactions and consequences is naturally diminishing. So, how can you continue to be an effective parent during this time? Here are some do’s and don’ts to help you navigate this exciting yet complex stage.

Do’s

• Create Intentional Time Together:
  Even if your child seems to block you at first, know that they still value genuine connection. Dedicate regular, distraction-free moments where you can truly engage with each other.

• Set Firm Boundaries with Flexibility:
  Identify the non-negotiable limits that are important for your family’s well-being, yet be willing to adjust when necessary. For example, if family time needs to shift from Thursday dinner to Saturday breakfast one week, embrace the change without compromising the spirit of togetherness.

• Let Them Learn from Consequences:
  Avoid rescuing your child from the outcomes of their own oversights. Whether it’s forgetting an essential item for school or not being prepared for an activity, experiencing the natural consequences of their actions is an important lesson in accountability.

• Be Present:
  No matter how old they are, showing up matters. Whether it’s delivering snacks to a sports practice or simply listening when they talk about their day, your active involvement will help you stay connected to their world.

• Correct Course Without Guilt:
  When mistakes happen—whether on your part or theirs—acknowledge them, apologize if needed, and move forward. This teaches resilience and prevents the cycle of guilt from taking hold.

• Stand Your Ground:
  Remind yourself that this phase is temporary. Although your teen may seem distant at times, they aren’t rejecting you personally. Parenting without overreacting to emotions sets a positive example for mature decision-making.

Don’ts

• Avoid Enabling Poor Choices:
  Stepping in to fix every problem, such as mitigating school-related consequences, can prevent your child from learning how to handle real-life challenges. Allow them to experience the natural outcomes of their decisions.

• Don’t Compromise on Core Values:
  While adapting to new cultural norms can be tempting, maintaining the core values that define your family is essential. Small compromises can lead to significant shifts in character over time.

• Resist External Pressure:
  Other parents or societal expectations may push you to allow activities or events that don’t align with your instincts. Trust your gut, if you feel uncomfortable, it’s okay to say no.

Parting Advice

• Listen and Love:
  Instead of dominating conversations, take time to ask open-ended questions and listen. This creates an environment where your child feels heard and valued.

• Encourage Their Dreams:
  Help your child envision a future filled with possibilities. When they have a dream to chase, they are more likely to make choices that support their goals.

• Reframe Discipline as Training:
  View discipline not as punishment, but as a form of training. You’re not just correcting behavior, you’re guiding a future leader. By speaking life into your child and helping them find pathways to success, you foster a positive environment where both of you can thrive.

Navigating the coaching phase of parenting is about balancing guidance with independence. By setting clear boundaries, being present, and encouraging personal growth, you help build resilience and prepare your child for the journey ahead.